FARTS Retired Characters
There are some characters that made apparences on FARTS in the past, but who will definately not appear in the main plotline of the show again, if I have anything to say about it. We might check in with them every now and then, but that's it. Do you violently disagree? Do you really really really really really want to see one of these characters return someday? Drop me an e-mail. Who knows, if enough people request the return of a certain character, it might just happen...
Name: "Wonder Boy" & "Super Mutt"
Origin: Secret of Evermore
Profile: Since Macc hates everything related to Secret of Evermore, he put these two on security detail, hoping they would get hurt in nasty ways. Unfortunately, they seemed to miraculously escape harm time and time again. They have been transferred to Rast's Lair, where they will hopefully make themselves more useful.
Origin: Final Fantasy 5 & 6
Profile: The most well-known Mimic in the FF universe actually did a good job at his former job as chief of security, with his ability to fool and confuse people by mimicking them or morphing into someone/something else. Unfortunately, he also liked to annoy people with those abilities, and he annoyed the wrong person... Mr. T. Current whereabouts... the moon, together with almost all other retired characters.
Origin: Final Fantasy 8
Profile: The karate spaz from FF8 used to be on the FARTS security team as well, but he made the big mistake of confronting Mr. T after he got rid of his boss Gogo, and shared his fate. The only thing he will likely be missed for are his mad elevator operating skillz, but heck... the elevator's been destroyed anyway. Besides, this means there'll be much more hot dogs for everyone else.
Origin: Chrono Trigger
Profile: The big bad devourer of worlds seemed rather placid in his appearances at the HQ. And now, he's about to be not-so-subtly written out of the storyline, because the -CENSORED- wrecked the HQ. Not to mention put some of its staff members out of commission.
Profile: The final boss from the under-appreciated game Robotrek thinks he's more powerful than he actually is. A problem he shares with lots of villains. Though incineration isn't as permanent as one might think, as least not where FARTS is concerned, he probably won't be seen again after suffering Vegeta's fury.
Origin: Final Fantasy 6
Profile: The gambling free spirit showed up in FARTS episode 1. Apparently he's selling leather jackets these days. Thinks he's the greatest thing to ever happen to the world, and he's unanimous in that. Get it? That means only he agrees with... ah, forget it. Anyway, this was just a one-shot guest gig, so he's not slated for a return apperance.
Origin: Final Fantasy 6
Profile: FF6's old fart was also in FARTS episode 1 for a brief moment. In conversations, he tends to miss the point completely, fall asleep, or bore you with incredibly long stories about 'his time'. Hey, he IS an old guy after all. At least he's good at making everyone else feel young. For the same reason as Setzer, don't expect to see him again.
Name: Generic cute little girl
Origin: Final Fantasy 6
Profile: One of Ultros' very few fans who showed up at the end of FARTS 1. Ultros still sees her and her merry band of six-year-olds in his nightmares sometimes. A character of minor importance, and I don't need her around to have Ultros suffer.
Profile: A Pikachu. Not to be confused with thé Pikachu. Rast summoned it in FARTS episode 3, where it made a brief but memorable appearance. Since it's... well, dead and all, we'll have to settle for thé Pikachu in the future.
Profile: Just your typical Marowak, summoned by Macc in episode 3 to kick Pikachu's ass. And he would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that pesky Daos. I've since gotten Pokémon that are a lot stronger than him, so I probably won't use him anymore.
Origin: Lufia 2
Profile: Also known as Jelze. This is the first Capsule Monster you acquire in Lufia 2, and here he is in his Master form. Rast summoned him once to battle Dark Macc, although he didn't really get a chance to do much.
Origin: Final Fantasy IV
Profile: The Queen of the Summoned Monsters from Final Fantasy IV. Possesses awesome healing abilities. Also summoned by Rast in the battle against Dark Macc, and also didn't get to do much.
Name: The Cids
Origin: Final Fantasy II, III, IV, V, VI & VII, respectively
Profile: These guys starred as guests in FARTS 5. Some of them didn't survive, and the rest isn't scheduled for a return appearance. It's just as well though. Cidolfas is all the Cid we need to see. ...or something.
Origin: Parallel Universe
Profile: A fusion of Macc and Celes, who once showed up from a parallel universe and started stealing things for no reason whatsoever. He... or she? Or both? ...Let's just say "it". Anyway, its actions may seem completely random, yet there's method to the madness. Only Macc and Celes would be able to understand it, however. In the end, it was returned to its home dimension, and will most likely not return again. Let's face it, the world is just not ready for it. If its full potential was unleashed... we'd be talking catastrophic corniness here.
Origin: Bob and George
Profile: Making a very special cameo appearance, Bob from the excellent webcomic Bob and George showed up on FARTS. If you haven't seen this comic yet, do yourself a huge favor and go there to read the archives right now!
Origin: Bob & George Community
Profile: The Super Commie Bot who's one of the most famous people hanging out at the chat and forums of Bob and George. Hates capitalism, loves Techno. He packs quite a punch in combat, but unfortunately dies if you so much as breathe on him. He always comes right back to life every time whenever he does, though, which makes him effectively immortal.
Origin: Sister of Bass from Mega Man fame; creation of Rick O' Shay
Profile: Follow the link to Bob and George above if you don't know who Rick O' Shay is, and you should learn soon enough. Techno was created by Dr. Wily as a sort of anti-Roll. Roll cleans, she makes messes. To fully understand her behavior, it's best if you check out Rick's comics. It's unknown whether or not she likes Ran as much as he likes her, but they make a cute couple, don't they?
Origin: The sick, twisted minds of the Bob & George Community
Profile: Quite simply, an abomination. I mean, just look at it for goodness sake! This is something that should never have existed, but does anyway. It may be slow and never says anything, but it really doesn't need to. The standard version of Lauto is just Dr. Light's head on Auto's body, by the way... this version's just been "upgraded" to suit Ran's needs.
Name: Santa Man
Origin: Creation of Ran
Profile: Making one of the more brief appearances in FARTS, Santa Man was designed to incite children to help destroy capitalistic society. He succeeded in his field test, but never did get unleashed upon the rest of the world because of Mazrim Taim pointing out the flaws of communism to him. Having been programmed to believe communism is perfect, this made his logic circuits explode.
Name: The Combo Masters
Origin: Creations of Ran
Profile: From left to right: StarVolt Man, StarGravity Man, BombKnight Man, ShadowGyro Man, CloudToad Man and WindAir Man. All-new Robot Masters, created by Ran by recycling parts from previous Robot Masters. And they were all destroyed. Of course, they could be rebuilt again, but it's unlikely we'll ever see them again.
Name: The Master
Origin: Soul Blazer
Profile: A supposedly all-powerful super being, who was revealed to be a fraud in FARTS episode 7. Or perhaps 'revealed' is the wrong word, since nobody's ever actually seen what he looks like. But you don't need to be visible to be blown away. Blind shots work just fine if they're big enough, as The Master found out when he was stupid enough to piss off Dark Macc.
Origin: Illusion of Gaia
Profile: The spirit of an ancient warrior, whose bishie looks got him quite a fanbase, despite not exactly being one of the most well-known RPG heroes. His hair is his pride and joy, but Zero revealed it to be just a wig. He probably won't be returning after that humiliation.
Origin: Romancing SaGa 3
Profile: One of the main characters from Romancing SaGa 3, brought in as a random back-up guest by Vegeta. Was certainly quite surprised to find the large number of people around who strangely resemble his friends. It's doubtful that he'll want to come back after that confusing experience.