Hmmm... not really suited for a mailbag segment, but what the hell. Okay, here's the first letter. The signature says Joe Weedmark, but who knows if that's really his name. Here's how it goes:
"I love farts but please don't decapitate mario anymore. He is unbelievably my favourite character ever in any game, and he's a legend as well as nintendo's trademark character."
I can't believe someone would actually defend Mario. But hey, I like Nintendo stuff, I even like Mario games. I just hate Mario. And I won't have to blast him anymore, now that he's dead and all. Anyway, here comes the important part:
"I don't mean to criticize you in any way, but ultros sucks, get a new music man."
Heh heh... see, I told you so. Only little children like you; everybody else thinks you suck.
Well thanks a lot, mr. Weedmark! You better hope I never find out where you live. Don't tease the octopus, kids!
Whatever, Ultros. That wasn't all of the letter though; the last part reads:
"The next Farts should be on FF characters who couldn't confess their love to their chicks, like locke and cloud."
I thought that was a pretty good idea, so I asked them to appear on my show and talk about that. But wouldn't you know it, the cowards refused. But I won't give up yet... I'll just have to trick 'em into coming to the set. This may be a future show yet...
Feh... so there's one person who doesn't like me, big deal.
Two people. I don't like you either. I just hired you because I knew that you would be stupid enough not to read the contract before signing it.
Dammit... don't remind me. Make Gilgamesh a guest on your show, would you? Then I could first fire him as my agent and then strangle him.
Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say "whatever". On with the show!
Okay, who's first?
They're gonna come out at the same time.
What? Then which music do I play?
I dunno, you think of something.
Oh wait, I know...
Click here to continue.