Back on the FARTS set...

I sure being hoping success will belong to Mr. T.

I would not worry, Mr. T is all-powerful after all. Nothing Cats could do would be engoud to beat Mr. T!

...wait a minute. Did you just say "engoud"?

Aye. What wrong with that?

That means... yeah, the curse of mixed-up speech has passed!

Well it's about time! Now I can get back to doing my show.

YOUR show? ...wait, don't tell me... YOU've been doing the show up to this point?

(through the intercom) Yes he has, and he's ruined the ratings! Remember, Mr. T isn't here to protect you now, so if you know what's good for you, you'll do as I say and get those ratings back up!

Hey, wait! What about me?

You heard Vegeta, step aside! Time to do this the way it was supposed to be done! ...wait a minute, I don't have any Cids to interview now...

I didn't see the Cids from FF VIII or IX anywhere... maybe they're still around?

Er, no, I'm pretty sure they aren't. I er... I'm saving them for another show.

You couldn't get them to come, could you?

Quiet, you! We'll have to bring in some replacement guests to...

Oooh! Pick me, pick me!

Hmmm... well you're the closest to a Cid than anyone else here, so why not. Have a seat.

O-kay! Nice place you got here. Ooh, what's that button do?

Don't touch that! That's my anti-Ozzie security system!

Your... what?

... Funny. I didn't think you'd really need one. I know I never do, anyway... all you need is a bit of fear and some really scathing insults.

I just don't want the guy anywhere near me. ...right, so what am I worried about? Go ahead and press the button.

Wait a minute now... let's not be hasty.

Er... nah, I don't want to. These things never do what their label says.

Fine, fine... we'll see how long you can resist not pressing a big red button. So, speaking of Ozzie, how do you like your mailbag job so far?

Well, I don't consider it much of a job.. more like a hobby, I guess. And it's fun to get people's responses to completely inane questions, mangle them horribly, and spit them back at them, all the while maintaining a cheery banter and three different alteregos. More of a juggling act than anything, I guess. Did I tell you I can't juggle? Always wanted to learn, but never got around to it. Er, what were we talking about again?

Uh, I think it was somehow mailbag-related. So how do you fit it into your schedule anyway? I mean, I hardly have a life, and still I ended up not having enough time to get the mailbag up when it was supposed to.

Simple. Saturday night I take about an hour and a half to look through my responses, delete the stupid stuff... er, more stupid than usual, and write my replies. I'm a fast typist, so that makes it easier. Then I ship it off to Lunaris to get that peculiar typo style just right. I get it back around Sunday night and post it up and voila. Instant stir-fry mailbag!

Hm, I see. I guess it's my perfectionism that screwed me over. Ah well, no matter. Now I have my talk show to be late with, so it evens out. I do have to ask though... why Ozzie and Lunaris?

Well, Ultros and Gilgamesh still work for you, so they're out. I just thought, "what character was evil enough to work for me, yet cowardly enough to work for me?" And Ozzie's name appeared magically like an eight-ball. As for Lunaris, he was just so funny and homicidal that I just couldn't imagine any security team without him on it. He manages to blow up more stuff in one sentence than most people can in an hour of violent video games.

You better believes it!

Hey, I take offence. I am not cowardly. Plus, you just wanted my help because you knew you couldn't do a good job at the Mailbag without me on your team. And Macc's just jealous because he couldn't get me on his side.

...

...

*push the button*

*falls down a plot hole, followed by a dozen missiles*

Overkill? I think not. Anyway... since millions of people will potentially be watching this, anything in particular you want the world to know?

Guns don't kill people. Insane lunatics with nuclear weaponry, coupled with biological warfare and nail bombs, not necessarily in the same weapon, kill people.

That's funny. I thought for sure Lunaris would be the one who would want to let the world know that.

Whats, they dont ALREADY know that?!

Good point...

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