Revenge is a Dish Best Served Raw

Recently, on FARTS....

Infernos: You... ruined my evil scheme!!!!! *glares at Seifer, Sephiroth, and Kuja* Kill them both!
*Seifer, Sephiroth, and Kuja advance on the two robots*
Macc: Hey, before I die, can you three sign this death certificate for me?
Sephiroth: Why do WE have to sign it?
Macc:Umm.... it's a new rule! When a person dies, he/she needs at least three witnesses!
Seifer: Oh, okay. *all three break out their pens and sign*
Kuja: Now what?
Macc: You work for me! *pulls off a paper covering the one the villains just signed, revealing..... (gasp) a contract....* Suckers!
Infernos: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
~END FLASHBACK~

*cut to a dark chamber of Pandemonium Castle*
Infernos: (in buglike form) Just you wait, Macc.... What I have in store for you will drive you beyond the breaking point. You will pay for that humiliating defeat!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Emperor Paramekia: (from other room) Will you keep it down? I'm trying to read.

Now... on to the story!

On the FARTS Stage....

Macc: Ready, Ultros?
Ultros: Yup. *starts playing the Coliseum Music from FF6*
Macc: Hello, everyone. Welcome to another FARTS episode! This time we'll be interviewing.... *looks at cue-cards then his eyes widen in sheer terror* SECRET OF EVERMORE CHARACTERS?!?! *music stops* Gilgamesh! You know I hate that game!
Gilgamesh: Huh? *looks at cue-cards* Well, whaddya know.... I just saw a bunch of cue-cards, and picked 'em up.
Macc: *looks panicky* What're we gonna do now?
Ultros: Why not just go through with it? It can't be THAT bad.
Macc: *pushes a button and millions of laser beams blast Ultros to a crisp, then a trapdoor opens beneath the cooked octopus, and he plummets down to the jagged rocks below*
Ultros: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Macc: Are you insane? I won't last the first interview!
Vegeta: *smashes in* Is there a problem I should know about?
Macc: No! No problems!
Vegeta: Good. I advise you keep it that way. *flies back through the hole he made*
Macc: *clearly unhappy about the situation* Okay.... lets bring out our first piece of cra- um, I mean guest... Wonder-Boy.
Wonder-Boy: Wow! You actually wanted me back? I'm flattered!
Macc: Let's just get this thing over with... It shouldn't take that long.

~one hour later~
*Wonder-Boy goes on and on with unbelievable enthusiasm, while Macc is asleep*
Wonder-Boy: And THEN Super-Mutt and I came across this evil robot twin of the Prof's granddaughter, she was cutting off the heat source in the volcano, and then the REAL Elizabeth showed up, but the robot twin drove her off and sent this big stone dinosaur at me that-
Macc: *wakes up* Huh? Okay, I think our interview is well past over. (in a begging tone) Please go...
Wonder-Boy: Aw, but I haven't even gotten to the part where I found out the Butler did it!
Macc: *does an excellent imitation of the portrait commonly known as "The Scream"* AAAAAAAAA!!!!!
*Dark Macc teleports in, holding his head and looking every bit as nauseated as Macc is*
Dark Macc: Get lost, kid! *blasts Wonder-Boy away* There.
*Ultros returns, with a few burn marks on him*
Ultros: What happened?
Macc: It was horrible.... horrible....
Dark Macc: He had to interview a Secret of Evermore character.
Ultros: *shivers* Whoo! That is horrible. How are you feeling?
Macc: *pushes a button and Ultros falls though another trapdoor underneath him* I guess I'm all right now.

*Infernos appears*
Infernos: Not for long.
Dark Macc: Not you again....
Infernos: I didn't come alone!
*Shadow the Hedgehog jumps down from the catwalk, lands next to Infernos, Ridley flies down from the ceiling and howls, and then, creepy bell music plays, and Thanatos steps out of a dark corner*
Macc: Is it getting harder for you bad guys to find good help these days?
Infernos: Oh be quiet! At least Ridley works cheap! Even if he IS a wuss....
Ridley: Hey!
Infernos: Anyways, I put those cue-cards there for Gilgamesh to find and called some SOE cast members so that I could wear you down, then you'd be an open target! Now that I have my new minions, I can get my revenge on you for that previous defeat!
Macc: We'll see about that!
*Infernos and Macc begin..... a staring contest*

~Three hours later....~
*Celes, Ex-Death, Kefka, Zeromus, and Kunoichi have now joined the spectators of this contest. CATS decided to be bookie and started collecting bets. Dr. Doppler has become referee. Neither competitor has blinked so far, but both look as though they are wearing themselves out*
Ultros: How come neither of them is blinking?
Ex-Death: I think it has to do with one being a demon, the other being an android. Neither of them need to.
CATS: Case in that being, *starts scooping up all the money betted* All your bet are belong to us!!
Kefka: Dammit! I was betting 5000 gil on Macc!
Shadow: Good money I are having of the betting on Infernos.... Huh? What the wrong are being with my speech?!
CATS: Sorry am I. Happens does it sometimes.
Thanatos: I want my money back.
CATS: You have no chance to refund make your time. *walks off carrying away the money he collected* Ha ha ha ha...
Dr. Doppler: Then we have a draw.
Others: Aww..... *all leave, except for Shadow, Thanatos, Ridley, Macc, Infernos, Gilgamesh, and Ultros*
Macc+Infernos: *abruptly stop and rub their eyes*
Infernos: Okay, forget that. BOYS! ATTACK!
*Thanatos turns into his Dark Lich form, Shadow tosses a Chaos Emerald up and down in the air. Ridley takes flight*
Macc: Okay, so you have a genetically engineered hedgehog with an inferiority complex, an undead sorcerer, and an airborne coward fighting with you this time?
Infernos: Umm... yeah.
Macc: Okay. Let's....
*Super Saiyan Vegeta smashes though the ceiling*
Vegeta: BLUE BOY! EXPLAIN THE HOLD-UP OR I WON'T THINK TWICE ABOUT DESTROYING YOU!!!!
Macc: RUN!!!!!!!!
*Macc, Ultros, and Gilgamesh split. Infernos, Shadow, Thanatos, and Ridley follow*
Vegeta: Hey! Come back here!

In the FARTS HQ hallways....
*Throughout the course of the following scene, a little song like the ones heard during chase scenes on Scooby-Doo is heard as Macc, Ultros, and Gilgamesh(with Gilgamesh in the lead, naturally) sprint down an impossibly long hallway, followed closely by Infernos, Shadow, Ridley, and Thanatos(with Shadow in the lead, naturally), along with a very pissed off Super Saiyan Vegeta. The song quiets down a little*
Shadow: *runs up ahead and stops* Time to put this to rest... DISAPPEAR! *tries to hit Gilgamesh with his Chaos Spear attack, but it ends up hitting Ultros*
Ultros: YEOWCH!
Shadow: (resumes "hover-skating") Dammit! He's too fast!
Infernos: (still running) Ridley!
Ridley: (still flying) Right! *shoots fireballs at Macc, Ultros, and Gilgamesh, but only succeeds in hitting Ultros*
Ultros: YEOWCH!!!!
Infernos: Thanatos, you're up.
Thanatos: GRAAAAAHH!!! *uses Balloon Level 7, but only manages to get Ultros, who, due to being paralyzed by the balloon spell, is quickly left behind by everyone else*
Ultros: *fading into the distance behind everyone, with a giant balloon hovering over his head* Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!!
*the song resumes*

Finally, the groups enter a long hallway filled with doors marked A through L....
Macc+Gilgamesh: *get chased into Door C, and come out of Door F. They run into Door E, and come out of Door I, only the order is reversed and Vegeta is being chased by the others into Door J*
Celes: *comes out of Door L and walks into Door K*
Gilgamesh: *comes out of Door A carrying Sephiroth, Seifer, and Kuja and enters door B*
Macc+Dark Macc: *exit door E on unicycles juggling chainsaws and enter door F*
Kefka+Ex-Death: *exit Door B and walk into Door A*
Kuja: *walks out of Door L accompanied by Silver Dragon and enters Door K*
Infernos+Shadow+Thanatos+Ridley: *exit Door C dressed like pirates and enter Door D*
Ultros: *exits Door H still ballooned, sitting in a wheelchair being pushed by Vegeta into Door G*
Everyone involved in this scene: *all come out of the doors and begin doing a dance to the beat of the song for a few moments, and return to the doors*
Macc: *runs out of Door A with Gilgamesh, and runs down the hall toward the commissary, pursued by Infernos, Shadow, Ridley, Thanatos, and Vegeta*
Ultros: *still ballooned, in his wheelchair, which wheels out of door G* Hello? *is promptly trampled by Silver Dragon*
*the song ends*

At the Commissary...
Macc: Hey, that was kinda fun! Wanna do it again?
Infernos: Maybe later. Right now I have an evil act of vengeance to conclude.
Vegeta: There will be no vengeance until I'm through with Blue-boy for holding up the show!
Macc: But I have and epic battle to do!
Vegeta: There will be time for that later, assuming you survive. Now explain yourself about the holdup!
Macc: Uh, sure.... well, you see... *points behind Vegeta: HEY LOOK! It's Goku!
Vegeta: HUH?! *looks around* WHERE?! WHERE?! *notices Goku is nowhere to be found* Ahh, I see, so you've gone into hiding, eh, Kakarot? We'll see about that! *flies away*
Macc: Now where were we?
Infernos: Big epic battle-thingy.
Macc: Oh, yeah.
Infernos: Let's get started. *transforms into true, demon form*
Macc: You may be big and strong, but I have the Triforce of Courage! *pulls out the Triforce and shows it to Infernos*
Infernos: *thrusts his right hand forward, and in his talons is another Triforce that looks identical to Macc's except it glows a pinkish red* (deep, demonic voice) But it's nothing compared to the Triforce of POWER!!!! Having Courage means nothing when the other has Power!
Macc: Then why did Ganon keep getting his ass whupped by Link?
Infernos: *thinks about it* Hmm... you have a point.... um, I mean, shut up! Power is strength! And furthermore-
*Beelzebub(the one from FFII) appears, looking furious*
Beelzebub: INFERNOS! You KNOW it was YOUR turn to clean the bathroom at Pandemonium Castle! You're coming with me, young demon.
*Infernos shrinks back to buglike form as Beelzebub grabs him by the antenna and begins dragging him away*
Infernos: NO! NOT NOW! I'm in the middle of an epic battle!
Beelzebub: No excuses. *grabs Shadow, Thanatos, and Ridley on his way out* And you three are coming too...
Infernos+Shadow+Thanatos+Ridley: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Macc: Well, that was easier than I expected.
*Vegeta enters*
Vegeta: KAKAROT WASN'T HERE!!!!
Macc+Gilgamesh: *gulp*

Later, on the FARTS Stage...
Macc: *sitting in his chair, chin in palm, looking both nauseated, and about to pass out* So, Carltron, why'd you do it?
Carltron: Because whenever there was a murder or something that happened, the butler ALWAYS got blamed! They're always going around saying "The butler did it! The butler did it!", the poor, innocent butlers across the world were blamed for murders, so I took a stand! For once, the butler WOULD do it!
Macc: Uh, huh. Very interesting. You can leave now.
Carltron: Why, thank you, sir. *bows and leaves*
Macc: Dammit! This is the worst punishment that Saiyan could possibly make me endure!
Vegeta: (offscreen, with a sadistic tone) And 4 more Secret of Evermore interviews to go until you're of the hook!

Meanwhile...
Ultros: (covered in bruises, burn marks, and still has a balloon floating over his head, laying helplessly on the floor) Hello? Anyone? Please help me?
Relm: Uncle Ulty!
Ultros: AAAAAA!!!!! *the balloon spell instantly wears off and Ultros flees at top speed*

FIN