RPG Classics Mailbag #16

Wooo! Woohoo! Wheeeeeee!

Huh? What's your problem?

Not even you can get me down now, Ultros, because of the tremendous amount of responses I've gotten this week... FOUR! Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, FOUR WHOLE RESPONSES!!!

...I still think your sarcasm needs work.

Bah, what do you know? I think I'll take Mazrim Taim's advise instead and do a warning now. Ahem. Be warned that this mailbag contains spoilers of Illusions of Gaia and Final Fantasy 7. Don't want anything spoiled, then go finish the games right now and come back after you did. Right then, on to Mazrim's actual response...

"I would change the ending of Illusion of Gaia, because after all of that fun playing, I was just totally bummed out. I mean, with the schoolchildren, the modern day school, and then the credits? It was really lame. I would have instead panned out and zoomed (or gone slowly) over a stylized imagery of the landscape, in the order of the lands that you travelled (because the map thing, while it was useful, it didn't look very good), while some peaceful music was playing-much like the peaceful music of FF6, but with more of a sense of relaxation, of calm, of ease, yet with a tinge of looking ahead. I would then go into detail about how each good character lived afterwards, and then end with the credits showing every enemy in the game (I've always loved those things). However, I think that the music is really what makes an ending good for me."

I really have no way to tell, but... did you happen to finish Terranigma before Illusion of Gaia? If you did, you probably know why I'm asking. And if not... well, shows what I know. Well, this next one doesn't have a name listed, but according to the e-mail header this guy is named Mick.

"There are so many RPG endings I want to change. It's not fair that I only get to change one. I do get to change one, right? Let's see... not Suikoden because that ending is perfect if you get all 108 stars... Final Fantasy Tactics is sad, but it's a good ending... not FF6 because that would be sacrilege... have you all seen Street Fighter for the Play Station 2? If you beat it, you get to beat up on like 10 people at once, it's cool. I seem to be getting off subject."

Well, I don't know... personally, I think lemons are quite tasty. Ha, I'm still the master of getting off subject.

"I got it!!! I pick Castlevania Symphony of the Night. First I would take out all the bad voice acting and replace it with text. It's just a pity I can't do that to all of the game. Then I would get rid of the crappy song it plays while the credits scroll. Then I would have Alucard get mad and kill Maria and Richter because they are so stupid. Then he would get bored, leave the castle and go to a coffee shop or something. He would order a hot chocolate (instead of coffee because vampires don't like caffeine much)."

Wait a minute... he actually goes to a coffee shop to order something to drink? That doesn't seem right. People tend to go to "coffee shops" for very different reasons... well, at least in Amsterdam they do. And if you have no idea what I'm talking about, you probably don't wanna know. See, what did I tell you about getting off subject?

"Then he would sit there for awhile sipping at his hot chocolate. After ten minutes or so he would get up and proceed to explain why 3D Castlevania games for the N64 suck so bad. While he is doing that the playstation is receiving instructions to erase both of it's memory cards. Then Alucard would say "Nya nya! While I was saying all of that we erased your memory cards!" Then the credits would play to the tune Tragic Prince (That's my favorite Castlevania: SotN tune, I got 'em all on Napster). Fin."

*sniff* I love a sad ending... it just makes me want to... *pushes a button on his desk*

*hovering above a trap door* I knew that was gonna happen. *falls*

Hmmm, he's got a point... I should think of something else, this is getting predictable. Ah well. For now, let's check out Donald Marco's response.

"Well, my choice isn't that different, but my method is. I'd take the Star Wars Parody line (i.e. Biggs & Wedge) and run it to its conclusion. You'd probably want The Return of the Jedi Special Edition Soundtrack handy (CD 2 Tracks 9-11).

At the end of the cutscene, We see Meteor destroyed in low Troposphere. Then, we at the scene look from either Cosmo Canyon or North Corel. The people of the chosen locale cheer, we see Cait Sith say to someone else (As Cait, not Reeve) "They Did It!"

We cut to see Cloud binding Tifa's wounds. Tifa asks if Aeris was in the stream. Cloud affirms. Tifa sees something in Cloud's eye (i.e. a tear, etc). She asks him what he's thinking. Cloud replies that two bright stars have found their place in the heavens togehter. He then says he's refering to Aeris and Zack. Tifa asks something along the lines of "...and?" Cloud then says a related one-liner refering to them, then kisses Tifa."

Cloud saying a one-liner? Yeah, right! The only halfway decent line he could come up with would be "Where am I?".

Hey... I resent that!

So? What are you gonna do about it?

Well, I'm gonna... um... uh... where am I?

Looks like Cloud's fifteen seconds of mental clarity a day are used up. Ah well. Back to the response.

"Then we cut to Sephy's body on a funeral pyre. The pyre is set aflame by Cloud. [Note: Like in Star Wars, until now fire has served as a beacon (the Cosmo Candle) or as a destructive force (Nibelheim, Meteor, Supernova, etc). Now, it would serve as a purifier.] then we pan up and see fireworks go off in the direction of the Golden Saucer (This especially works for North Corel, but Cosmo works too...) We then cut to revelry at the saucer, then to celebrations at the other place (Cosmo/Corel), then to rockets going off at Rocket Town, (possible scenes at Junon and Costa Del Sol) then the masses coming out of the Midgar Slums, then finally returning to where Cloud was. We see a massive party at the village square... Barret and Red 13 are getting down (Marlene too). Actually everyone is partying down except Cloud, who is just now walking back from the Pyre. He greets his friends then turns to an open space in the direction of the Pyre. Cloud then sees Bugenhagen, his Mom, Zack, and Aeris. And then, fading in next to Aeris, is Sephiroth. All 5 in the green essence of the Lifestream and look on Cloud with pride. We see Cloud look at them in relief or something like that. Then Tifa comes up to him and takes him back to the party. We then see the 5 once more, then a group shot of the 8. Then the credits roll, followed by the 500 years later scene."

I must admit, it all resembles the Star Wars ending pretty well. But be honest... what would you rather see? That ending, or this next one, by Spy?

"Okey, I couldn't resist! If I could change one ending, it would have to be FF7s. Why? I dunno, I haven't seen it in awhile and I fried my brain playing Triple Triad all week."

You too, huh? I think my brain's kinda fried too, does it show?

"Cloud is sitting in the Highwind watching Meteor's arse get kicked by the lifestream. He suddenly realizes he could have brought Aeris back to life with a phoenix down instead of dropping her into a lake. This makes him feel so guilty, he jumps off the airship just as meteor blows up, ending the reign of the Sephi clones. Oddly, no one misses him.

Sorry for that little bit of oddity, I'm bored."

That's another thing we have in common then. But seriously, I'd have enjoyed seeing Cloud kill himself in typical dramatical "hero's sacrifice" sort of way. But seeing him tumble off of an airship like some dumbass would be cool too.

Alright... I guess that's it for this mailbag already. And man, was it short. Looks like we're back to the size the mailbag used to be. No, even less than that actually. Well, like I said before, we can't have a mailbag without your responses. You've gotta give me something to work with here! Okay, I guess we'll see what next week's bag brings...