RPG Classics Mailbag #19

To inspire everyone's creativity, I will skip the usual intro and let you all imagine what it would have been like.

You couldn't think of anything, could you?

So what if I couldn't? It's not like anyone cares... they're here to see the responses to the last mailbag. And that's just what I'm going to show them. This was the question: "If you had to pick a character from any existing non-RPG video game to star in a new RPG, who would you choose and what would be the general storyline of this new RPG?". Once again I got to do some selecting... I hope this amount of responses sticks. Anyway, let's start things off once again with StarSoldier.

"First of all, Alucard is a DHAMPIR, not a vampire. Sunlight doesn't hurt him."

Well he did say he was an extraordinary vampire. But you say sunlight doesn't hurt him? Hmmm...

*scene fades back into earlier daydream sequence*

Alucard: *stops running* Hey, if that's true, who set my cape on fire?

*raises hand, grinning sheepishly*

Alucard: Ah. Alright then. *continues running in circles*

*daydream sequence fades*

Well, that clears that part up.

"Sunlight doesn't even hurt vampires. I should know; I study this stuff."

Tell that to Dracula.

"Anywayz, on to the Mailbag answer.

Well, being the big CastleVania fan that I am, I'll just grab one of those characters: Sypha Belnades.

The story will start some time before meeting Trevor and all of them in CV3: Dracula's Quest (before she was turned to stone for a long time by the Cyclops). She is fighting all sorts of evil and demonic things. She comes from a long line of sorcerers and wizards, so she wants to bring honor to the Belnades name. After a while of destroying werewolves and zombies, Death (a constant baddie in CV) meets her and tells her to stop. She refuses, and is transported by Death to Hell (where would she be going? Hawaii?) where she meets those like her with good souls and were sent to Hell by Death and befriends them. One of them is her great-grandfather, who teaches her new spells along the way. Together with her new-found friends, they fight through many different areas of Hell (it isn't all fiery, I'm sure) and pick up new items and such from dead merchants hanging around. After a while, she finds Death's lair and they kick the crap out of him. A ray of sunlight opens up, and they are transported to the surface of Earth. The Belnades earn a new respect and her friends are freed from Hell. The end. Don't yell at me if you don't like it; I came up with this last minute."

You brought up an interesting point... what if she WAS transported to Hawaii instead? Would be a far more original plot twist then being sent to *yawn* Hell. And while in Hawaii, she could foil the plan to destroy all the world's clothing so everyone'd be forced to wear grass skirts instead, set up by the evil demon hula girl gang. ...or not. Alrighty, here's the next response, which was apparently sent in by "Me, not you". Hey, that's not true, I didn't send anything to me, so it HAS to have been you! Ah well, let's see what it says anyway...

"Hey Macc, I think any number of non-RPG characters should have their own RPG. Vagrant Story's Ashley Riot, for example, just because he's so cool.
In the game, you'd assemble a party of teammates, then ditch them at a coffee house (riskbreakers work alone!). Then you'd collect parts and make weapons, then use these to beat the crap out of Ultros! There won't even be a storyline, really, just a mass Ultros-beating! Fun!"

Are you SURE you didn't write this?

Hmmm, I'm beginning to wonder...

"Or, Solid Snake could be in an RPG! Yeah, Liquid Snake, Revolver Ocelot, etc. would team together when they realize a threat greater than Metal Gear
Rex or Metal Gear Ray looms on the horizon... Metal Gear Nixon! <ominous music plays> Oooh, yeah, I can see it now... instead of guards, though, you
get to shoot, beat up, and break the neck of Ultros! No game would be complete without that element! Hehehe..."

I don't HAVE a neck, so nyah!

There's your proof that I didn't write that... I wouldn't have made that mistake.

Well how do I know you didn't do that on purpose? I need more proof!

Oh you do, do you? How about a 1000 Ton weight on your head?

Errr... I withdraw my objection.

That's better. Okay, over to TLMuk's response.

"Hi this is TLMuk again, and this my idea for "If you had to pick a character from any existing non-RPG video game to star in a new RPG, who would you choose and what would be the general storyline of this new RPG?". For my game it would star Dr. Robobritic(from Sonic), Dr. Cortex(from Crash Bandicoot), and ever so he was a playable character in Mario RPG, King Bowser Koopa(from Mario) in Super Villain Revenge. The game is about three villains having a fun time at the bar until the evil fiends Mario, Crash Bandicoot, and Sonic along with Kirby, Donkey Kong, Tails, and many others kick their ass. Soon they find out that it was planed by the evil demonic god Pikachu, who wishes to destroy the world.

Since the three villains want to take over the world, they join forces and try to stop Pikachu and forces of Pokémon and wannabe heroes. And the end they kill Pikachu, but then fight to the death Suikoden style to see who will be the ruler of the world. But when one is left, the last is killed by a mysterious force. It is Dark Macc and he begins to laugh as he gains the powers of God. I know some of those characters are in an RPG(Pikachu, Bowser, Mario) but most of the characters never were in one."

Wha? Hey, that's no good! He MADE you write that, didn't he? I knew it, it's all one big... wait a minute, stand-in!

*Macc and Ultros switch places*

Okay, roll 'em!

...conspiracy! *gets hit by a piano, then is crushed beneath a 1000 Ton weight, after which a trap door opens beneath him, causing him - and the weight - to fall*

Tsk tsk... another victim of the c-word's curse. Oh well. Next letter, by Zero.

"Who to choose, who to toss in an RPG who has absolutely no experience in the domain...oh! I know! The answer couldn't be simpler: a Zealot. He has to return home from Char, but along the way he faces danger, an entire Zerg swarm that was randomly scattered on the planets he goes on and there wouldn't be random encounters. He would find allies who would join him for no apparant reason except that it's written in the script, the style of the game would be like shining force BTW, and he must defeat the mighty queen of blades as the last challenge, but for no reason again she'd beg for mercy and he would say "ok" and they would go home dancing with joy, until the ship crashes on a gas giant (although "crashing" is not the correct term) and catches in fire although there is no atmosphere in space, but nobody needs to know that. The End."

Yeah, them's the breaks... but they got it coming. Their fault for not bringing any lemons. Don't you agree, Brett?

"My RPG would star several characters and be totally messed up... (Hmm I wonder if Ultros had anything to do with this RPG).

The characters would be:

Kane (C&C Original)
The Overmind (Starcraft)
Christopher Blair (Wing Commander series)
C3P0 (Star wars games)
Luke (Star wars games)

The totally messed up plot would be...
After being thoroughly beaten by the GDI, Kane decides to take over his garden, however the garden sends out a distress signal to the nearest GDI satellite. The GDI send Mr Blair, who is shot down by the americans for his really bad acting and accent. Meanwhile the Overmind captures Kane and turns him into a cerebrate (apparantly bald megalomaniacs turn Kerrigan on... anyway)... C3P0 is sent to communicate with the Overmind for terms of surrender as the Overmind takes over the planet. C3P0 is fragged by Kane for being downright annoying saying "we're all going to die" etc. This is where Luke joins the fray. He has a bold new plan to destroy the Overmind once and for all...

The final boss is a contract which is impossible to break, but there is one way around it... You must flee from it, but it always brings you back, so you must hire (I hate this bit) a LAWYER *gasp*! He sues the creators of this game for being really cheesy and mildly insane.

You are then taken to a court scene. The only way to successfully win is to tell the defense that the price of lemons is too high... The defendant breaks down crying and admits that it was all the lemons' fault. You then get 10 million dollars and the patch so that the contract no longer exists...

Don't blame me... blame the price of lemons."

See, what did I tell you? It all comes together now, doesn't it? It all makes sense now, doesn't it? What?!? No?!? ...you're right, so it doesn't. We still need to include Nixon in there somewhere to see the big picture. Perhaps our old friend Donald Marco can fill in the blanks?

"Hey, man. I hope you'll forgive the fact that my upcoming suggestion will have both RPG AND non-RPG players in it. I missed the last deadline."

Yeah yeah yeah... just call me Mr. Flexible. On second thought, don't, that sounds pretty dumb.

"Anyway, my idea for an RPG would center around a SeeD-SOLDIER type organization (Its members are as varied as SeeD members or at least will be eventually, but it serves the world government like SOLDIER does (and it is rumored that dark magic guides its members)) called, are you ready for this, the Dark Knights. It'll have such veterans as Cecil and Cloud, along with Spiderman, Batman, Wolverine and Tuxedo Mask. And that's about 1-3% of the player character list! I'm waiting until one of the better engines at rpgmaker.net is developed. (RPG Engine looks to be the best once it's finished, IMHO.)"

On a related note, did you know that former RPG Classics staff member SpoonyBard is now doing the mailbag at that site? You can check it out here. But for now, let's view the next response, by Megaman984. It's quite a bit of reading... looks like he's got the whole thing planned out already.

"My idea for an RPG starring a non-RPG video game character is this:

It stars Mega Man. You start off fighting some of Wily's robots. Just like the real series, you only get new powers from defeating robot masters and Mavericks. You eventually fight maybe two robot masters, and Break Man joins you. You then go fight six more robot masters, and get into Wily's fortress. You fight Bass, defeat him, and then you fight and defeat Wily. Suddenly, a time portal appears, and out pops Vile. You, Break Man, and an uncontrollable Bass fight him. He easily defeats you, but before he can defeat you, Dr. Light teleports you, Break Man, Bass, and Wily to his lab. When you wake up, Dr. Light explains to you that Vile has stolen some important components of robot he's building (Mega Man X). Dr. Light convinces Wily to help him build a time machine, because some important components of a robot (Zero) that Dr. Wily is building have also been stolen. Wily agrees and tells Bass to help Mega Man for now. Bass is reluctant, but agrees at the threat of being dismantled to make toasters. Before they can finish the time machine, Dr. Light tells you that he needs the help of Dr. Cossack. You travel to find Cossack, while fighting some minor Mavericks along the way. Also along the way, Duo joins saying something about how he wants to repay Mega Man and Dr. Light. You reach Cossack, but you have to fight a boss. You beat it, and Dr. Cossack travels back with you to Light's lab. They complete the time machine, and all of you, including the doctors, travel into the future where you immediately meet up with X. X is still there, because the time-space continum has yet to be totally destroyed. X takes you back to Dr. Cain's lab. Dr. Cain tells the other doctors that he is working on a new robot, but to finish it, he needs eight important components that are guarded by eight Mavericks. You fight three Maverick bosses, then Zero joins up. You fight five more Maverick bosses, and give all eight components to Dr. Cain. Dr. Cain tells you that he and the other doctors need some time to work on the new robot, which he has codenamed "Skye". So off you go to fight Sigma and his Maverick hordes, but along the way, Magma Dragoon appears. You have to fight him, but he joins up whether you win or lose. You invade Sigma's fortress, fight the rebuilt Bit and Byte, fight the rebuilt X-Hunters, and fight Vile. You eventually make it into Sigma's lair. You fight him in his regular body and win. He then explains that he has discovered an ancient alien robotic body, which he believes has enough power to defeat you and your team now that parts of X and Zero are in it. You fight him, but he easily wins because he has an enormous cannon on his back. Suddenly, Skye comes crashing through the ceiling of the fortress, and destroys the cannon with his energy axe. He then heals the party with a "nano beam". You fight Sigma, defeat him, and gather X's and Zero's components to give to Wily and Light. Suddenly, Sigma reappears and explains that he has one final weapon to destroy all of humanity. Sigma leaves his body, and enters a giant machine in the middle of the room. It morphs into a giant cannon and points itself towards the sky. It starts to build up energy, and is about to fire when Skye makes the ultimate sacrifice. To prevent humanity from being destroyed, Skye throws himself into the cannon's beam, absorbs the energy, and blows up. The explosion is enough to send everyone flying from the fortress, which is destroyed from internal explosions. You wake up and are in Dr. Cain's lab. Dr. Light explains to you that Skye was built out of parts of another alien robot meant to guard the one that Sigma took over. Everyone says their goodbyes, and Mega Man, Break Man, Bass, Duo, Dr. Light, Dr. Cossack, and Dr. Wily go back into the past. Once there, Wily takes his robotic components and leaves with Bass, saying that he will not destroy Mega Man right now because he helped him. Duo flies off saying that he will always be in Mega Man's debt, and mutters to himself about how his mission is finally over. Break Man leaves without anyone noticing, like he always does. Mega Man, Light, and Cossack go back to Light's lab. Light finishes X, seals it in a capsule, and tells Mega Man and Cossack that X has a purpose to be served later, so he should not be activated yet. The screen fades to Wily's lab, where Wily is finishing Zero, and is about to activate him when Duo busts throught the ceiling. He takes Zero and says that his time will come but not yet. Duo flies off with Zero dangling on his shoulders. Wily starts to rant and rave, but can do nothing about it. The screen fades out. The screen lights up again, and the opening part of Mega Man X is shown. The screen fades out, and the credits are shown."

Now for everyone who likes the Megaman series and knows everything about it (like me), this game would be a dream come true. But for now, I'm afraid it will have to remain a dream... *sigh* But being a fan of the Megaman series, I'm also annoyed at the fact that you kept referring to Break Man... Break Man was just the disguise he used in Megaman 3, his real name is Proto Man. Ahem... well, after that bit of seriousness, it's time for something less serious again. Think you can help us out, Cidolfas?

"Hey chief! Thought I'd get involved in something for a change. 8-)"

Well, okay, but be sure you realise what you're getting yourself into.

"Hmmm, non-RPG character starring in an RPG... lemme think... I'd have to go with Super Mario! Imagine, you could make an entire RPG with him fighting Bowser, or not Bowser, and maybe even the Princess could tag along! And... oh dammit. Someone's already thought of that, huh? Crap.

OK, take two. Hands-down winner Samus Aran. The fairly complex storyline behind the Metroid series (I'm still waiting for Metroid 64! Jeez, can't these guys get their act together? Then again, it took them over three years to come out with a Kirby 64 - due in a few months) makes for excellent RPG fodder (hah, forgot there was a sentence before those parentheses, didn't you? 8-)). (Even remembered the period at the end! Man, I'm taking grammar too seriously.)"

That's not half as bad as taking ME too seriously. But anyway, do continue.

"Seeing as there's an entire galaxy to explore, this would be Phantasy Star to the nth degree. Mother Brain could come back (video game rule number one, also known as Wily's Lemma: No villain can ever truly die.) or maybe she's actually working for someone else (this line harkens all the way back to the Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien) or of course we could introduce an entirely new funky set of space pirates! The potential for tag-along characters is astounding, and I'm sure someone could come up with some neato aliens... although it's too much to ask for them to not include a sickeningly cute alien who resembles a Pokemon..."

Pokédex entry for Pokémon #4263: Metroid. Formerly the most dreaded organism in the galaxy. Now, due to popular demand, given a face which resembles Pikachu. As for its battle tactic: It sucks. Energy, that is.

"And, of course, the ending would be same as always... although rendered in 3D FMV sequences could make it a bit more interesting! ^^; Ah, forget it,I'll just end that thought and let your mind wander. 8-) Later!"


Hey Macc, howzit going?


Hello? Macc?

Quiet, you! I'm letting my mind wander, and I will not tolerate any interruptions! Now, where was I? Ah, yes. ...........

Errr... o-kay.... well, in that case, seeya! *runs away*