What the hell?!?! Oh well. I like this theme more. Anyway, it's time to introduce our first guest, Gestahl from Final Fantasy 6!

Hello StarStorm, and I'd like to say, I'm glad to be here today.

Aren't we all.

Yeah. Macc wouldn't let me on the show before this, he said I was too lame for it, and well, let's just say that I'm very glad you're guest hosting.

Why thank you, Gestahl. *looks flattered*

Which is a testament to StarStorm, since he couldn't get any half-decent villains like Sephiroth or... *bzzzzzzzzzt*

Now I remember the REAL reason I didn't deactivate his voice. I wanted an excuse to make him hurt every two minutes.

I'm not arguing. I guess you don't really like Dark Macc.

Nah. I just think it's fun and appropriately sadistic to take immensely powerful, evil beings and make complete asses of them.

Good. Fry him again.


Ahem! We're supposed to be talking about me here!

Not that you'd have anything interesting to... *bzzzzzzzzzt*

Sorry about that Gestahl. Anyway, so to start, how did you come upon the villain biz?

Well, you see, what was I supposed to do? I was a powerful emperor, top of the top. I couldn't get any higher than I was, and I wasn't going to sit around and play with my dolls all day...

*sweatdrop* DOLLS?!?!

And what's wrong with playing with dolls?

Only the fact that...

*makes sure Dark Macc can see his finger hovering dangerously close to the electroshock button*

Nothing. Nothing at all. Please do go on.

Yeah, well. Barbies are my favorite. I like those purple dinosaur stuffed dolls too. What do they call him again?


Yeah! That's it! Barney the Dinosaur!

*is visibly sick* Macc, where's the plot hole button?

You can't do that to a guest!

It's an emergency Macc. Don't argue.

Third one from the left, fifth row from the top.

Thanks Dark. You're useful for something after all. *hits the plot hole button, and approximately a quarter of the audience falls through a plot hole* DARK! THAT WAS THE WRONG BUTTON!


I get them wrong all the time. Anyway, continuing on...

Yeah, I'm not going to bother looking for it, though it might be fun to hit all of the buttons... Anyway, let's forget about the dolls, and especially Barney. *shudders* Please go on Gestahl.

Okay. Anyway, so I got bored, and I decided, why not use the Espers to take over the world? That and I had a bet with my brother that I couldn't do it.

A bet?

Yup. 500 million Gil.

Man, that is a lot of Gil. Too bad it's worth about twenty bucks here. Sooo...

I hooked up with Kefka and we went out for the Espers. They chased us off the first time, and then we did all the vowing to come back and everything, and years later, we tried again.

Only to have your ass beat by Kefka.

That was probably the worst mistake I've ever made, employing Kefka. I mean, when he did that to the statues, what was the point? The world would be dead within a few years, so there would be noone to properly worship me once I had the world in my iron grip.

I see. So, what would have been your first action as "Supreme Emperor and Deity of the World"?

Hey, I like that sound of that! Too bad I just stuck with Emperor. Anyway, I think the first thing I would have done is to confiscate all the dolls.

Ummm why?

Because they're fun to play with! Especially the Barney dolls.

Off the subject of Barney, please, before I vomit.

Outside of the bet, and being bored, I was only in it for the dolls.


Strangely enough, I find myself agreeing with Dark Macc.

Amen brutha. Anyway, so why didn't you take up something less... megalomaniacal? Like macrame? Or maybe Tai Chi?

It was the only way I could get more dolls!

You were the Emperor of what was probably the richest, most powerful empire in the world. Why didn't you just BUY them?

The thought never occurred to me.

*sweatdrop* Then the virtual destruction of the world basically comes down to Barbie dolls?


Then what?

Barney dolls too.

You know what? I ALWAYS said Barney the Dinosaur was the epitome of evil. Now I have proof. Ultros, change the music before I begin to equate it with that evil creature.

Yes Master...

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