While I'd be hard-pressed to figure out WHY Illusion of Gaia has ANYTHING to do with Golbez, I don't really care. Sooooo... Introducing Golbez of Final Fantasy 4 fame!

Finally. A half-decent villain. *bzzzzzzt* HEY!

Sorry, finger slipped.

Sure it did.

Do you care?

Nope.

Didn't think so. Anyway, Golbez, come on in and have a seat, we have much to talk about.

Are you going to make lame coughing insults about me?

Are you going to talk about Barbie dolls and Barney the Demonic Dinosaur?

Hell no! I want to see that purple... thing dead!

Then we are in perfect agreement. Get in here and have a seat.

Thanks StarStorm.

So, anyway, since you're not going to bring up lame stuff like that...

Here's to hoping Mr. T can throw Gestahl helluva far.

Agreed.

Anyway, since, unlike Gestahl, you weren't killed when your plans failed, what plans do you have for yourself now?

I would like to mention that I wasn't acting myself at the time.

We know that.

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?

Maintenance, I believe. And whatever I tell him he has to do in his contract.

Besides, he has a Slave Crown on his head. He's perfectly harmless, and under MY control. So THERE Macc. HA!

If that wasn't a subtle enough reminder...

You sure about that?

Zeromus? Hit yourself upside the head with the mop.

*takes the mop and hits himself in the face*

So THAT'S where his head is!

Yeah, took me the better part of two hours to find it.

I was wondering how you managed to get the crown onto him.

You know what, StarStorm? Mind if I have some quick revenge before we talk?

Have at it. Zeromus, until I tell you to stop, you will do everything Golbez tells you to do, got that?

Yes Master.

This'll be good. Zeromus, act like a chicken.

Cluck Cluck... Ba-gawk!! *starts pecking the ground*

Zeromus, do jumping jacks.

*does jumping jacks, shaking the floor, and pulling chunks off the ceiling*

This is good... Zeromus, hit your head on the wall.

*starts banging his head on the wall*

Man... more work for Merlin...

Zeromus, go blow...

THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH! Zeromus, stop listening to Golbez and get back to work.

Yes Master. *starts repairing the wall and ceiling*

You're no fun.

That wouldn't be right, Golbez.

To who?

TO EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET!

Point. Alright, let's start the interview.

So, how exactly did Zemus sucker you into the villain biz?

Well, there aren't many job opportunities for a Dark Knight, so I took up a temp job.

Hm? Really... what was the temp job?

Office assistant.

Ahhh, a secretary.

Office assistant.

I calls 'em as I sees them.

Anyway, I found an ad in the Baronian newspaper for an office assistant, and ended up working for Zemus.

I wonder what was in the ad?

Well...

Macc, I'M the one giving the interview, not you! Golbez, what exactly was in the ad?

And the point of that was?

*bzzzzzzzt* HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?!?

Damn. Hit the wrong button. Wanted to give Macc electroshock.

Sure you did.

Quiet, you. Sorry about that Golbez, this show tends to get off track easily.

I know, I watch FARTS all the time. Mind if I try out some of those buttons?

No.

Macc, I'm in the chair, you're in the containment field. You have no power here anymore.

So can I?

No. Answer the question.

Fine... Anyway, it said, and I quote, "Help wanted for office assistant. Good pay, excellent benefits, three weeks vacation time a year. Must be able to live with monsters, destroy small towns, and remorselessly kick small puppies. Must also be able to accept mind control and psychic domination. No experience necessary. Call Zemus at 459-8630"

And you accepted that?

Yeah, my Playboy subscription fees were past due.

Uhhh ooooo-key.

Was hard to get the job too. There was a lot of applicants.

I'm not sure what's more disturbing about that. The mental domination, "kick small puppies", or the fact that there was a line for that job.

Or the fact that he needed it to pay for his Playboy subscription.

SO YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STOLE MY JOB!!!

Here's your next page. Do you want fries with that?