Do you have trouble with your employees? Do you have plans for taking over the world, but you don't have the arsenal?

I do. I have the perfect plan, but all of my underlings say it will never work!

Then what you need, my boy, is Gestahl's Slave Crowns! Guaranteed to work, and a bargain at ten million Gil! Your underlings won't disagree with you anymore!

I have a willing army at my disposal, but they need weapons! I can't find a reasonable, cheap supplier! Help!

Then what you need, my friend, is Gestahl's cheap, black market weaponry. We have all sorts of weapons: Conventional, mass destruction, magical, rare, and "oh-my-god-that's-one-big-freakin'-gun"! All at VERY affordable prices! Just in: We have the WCADWYHTIHG2k, only fifty million Gil!

What does that mean Gestahl?

Who-Cares-About-Defense-When-You-Have-This-Insanely-Huge-Gun 2000! It's easy to use, makes huge explosions, and it comes with it's own fusion reactor, so you only have to reload once every 500,000 shots!

Ohh! That would make the perfect birthday present for Lunaris! With a name THAT big, you KNOW it's got to be good!

Yep! And as you said, it make a perfect birthday present, Christmas present, Mother's Day or Valentine's, Heck, it makes a good "Any Day" present, for your loved ones, friends, or unquestioned dictators! It's sure to keep the secret police away from your house for the next few years! Here is a testimonial to how good our weapons are!

Ever since my boyfriend bought a Kill-'em-All-Big-Honkin'-Thing 500 Plasma Rifle for our anniversary, our relationship has gotten much better! Now we spend our days hunting criminals, overthrowing despotic regimes, and taking mercenary contracts! All my friends want to know where I got it!

That's right. That's Gestahl's Weapon and Diabolic Device Emporium: With names this big, you know they've got to be good! Be sure to pick up the If-This-Isn't-Superior-Firepower-We-Don't-Know-What-Is 3000, it's a steal at 75 million Gil!

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