FARTS Staff Members

These are the people who serve various functions on the FARTS staff, and thus have a good excuse to show up more than once.

Name: Macc Maverick
Function: Host
Origin: Phantasy Star II, more or less
Profile: Macc is your textbook goodie-two-shoes, who likes to think he's funny. This 'reploid' who runs the HQ, FARTS, and everything else was recently discovered to actually be half human, and not just any human: none other than Rolf from Phantasy Star II. But is that all there is to his dark, mysterious past? Stay tuned, and maybe you'll learn more...
Macc's Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Dark Macc
Function: Co-host
Origin: Darkest recesses of Macc's mind
Profile: Macc's dark side, somehow given a body of its own. Physically and mentally linked with Macc; they literally feel each other's pain. Always looking for trouble, but fell victim to one of Macc's contracts, rendering him mostly powerless. Even so, he's still finding ways to hurt Macc indirectly even now. Who knows what he's secretly plotting...
Dark Macc's Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Ultros
Function: One-man band leader
Origin: Final Fantasy 6
Profile: Everyone's favorite recurring evil octopus villain was the first to get suckered into a contract with Macc and now only has one job: To push buttons on his console, changing music as the show goes along. Well, that's his only OFFICIAL job, anyway... he is more known for being hurt in various ways for little or no reason.
Ultros' Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Gilgamesh
Function: Cue card holder / errand boy
Origin: Final Fantasy 5
Profile: The fastest runner in all Final Fantasies was the one who set up Ultros with his contract, and ironically got suckered into one himself some time after. But you can't deny the similarities between those two, and sure enough they're probably the only ones that can stand each others company for an extended period of time. Often given jobs that require fast running and/or little to no intelligence.
Gilgamesh's Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Vegeta
Function: Director
Origin: Dragon Ball Z
Profile: The powerful badass Saiyan has a grudge against both Macc and Dark Macc, but unfortunately even he couldn't get past Mr. T. Therefore he decided to make the life of the Maccs miserable by declaring himself the new director of the show. Now that Mr. T is out the way... Vegeta has surprisingly enough not taken any form of violent action. Perhaps he rather enjoys raking in a good deal of the money the show makes, and would thus rather have its host alive.
Vegeta's Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Rampage
Function: Stage manager
Origin: Macc's cousin
Profile: You probably have no idea exactly what this guy's doing here, right? That's because neither Macc nor Rampage know just what a stage manager is supposed to do. It's probably just as well though... whenever Macc and Rampage meet, things tend to get weird. I mean, even more so than usual.
Rampage's Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Merlin
Function: Building maintainer
Origin: RPGC Staff Member
Profile: Merlin is one of the Mysidians (which you can read more about on one of the other cast pages) and an all-around nice guy. Which is why it's such a shame that he's often smashed by large falling objects, mostly pianos. Why exactly that keeps happening is anyone's guess. Was hired by Macc to repair the damage that was done to the HQ, and any future damage there's bound to be. So remember kids, if you break it, Merlin will have to fix it.
Merlin's Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Celes
Function: Unknown
Origin: Friend of Macc's
Profile: You all know Celes from Final Fantasy 6, but she didn't have purple hair, now did she? This is the Mysidian Celes. Brandishing the same type of insanity that Macc does, it's only natural they get along great. She was asked to hang around the HQ by Macc, but she doesn't have any set task to perform. And she's very good at making sure it stays that way.
Celes' Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Cloud
Function: Narrator
Origin: Final Fantasy 7
Profile: The rock band escapee and mental patient Cloud actually has a pretty good job. He narrates the story, and thus has the power to make the story go whatever way he wants. Luckily he's too confused to realize that; he just blindly reads whatever he's told to read. Perhaps a mental patient is not the best choice for a narrator, but then again, it does sorta make sense in the case of FARTS.
Cloud's Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Kefka, Exdeath & Zeromus
Function: Maintenance crew
Origin: FF6, FF5 and FF4, respectively
Profile: This collection of final bosses used to be Dark Macc's evil henchmen, but now that Dark Macc has a contract with Macc, Macc can order them around as well. Macc has them helping Merlin out with building maintenance at the moment.

Name: Dr. Doppler
Function: Mad scientist
Origin: Megaman X3
Profile: Dr. Doppler is a Reploid scientist who was once infected by the Maverick virus. He apparently has a lab at the HQ, and is happy to oblige anyone who has need of his services. For a price. But it's worth it, because he's good at what he does, somehow being able to come up new inventions in under a minute.

Name: Cats
Function: Misspelling miscreant
Origin: Zero Wing
Profile: Cats is most commonly known for his usage of the line "All your base are belong to us". Not much is known about him except that he's the leader of an alien race bent on making all base belong to them. Whatever that means. He has a severe speech disorder, and can spread this disorder to those around him at will. Is also able to send out holographic images of himself which somehow cause everyone within a five mile radius to be temporarily affected by his speech problem. His custom sprite was made by SpoonyBard, and Macc got a contract with him in SpoonyBard's comic, Online Life. You can read the OL FARTS storyline from the beginning by clicking on the link on the main FARTS page.
Cats' Dr. Sbaitso transcript

Name: Nu
Function: Generic mechanical assistant
Origin: Chrono Trigger
Profile: One of the mechanical beings created centuries ago in the magical kingdom of Enhasa. Macc has gotten a hold of one somehow, and (ab)uses it for all kinds of purposes.